It's that 'ahhhhh' moment that happens sometime between seven and eight each night, when the kids are both tucked away in bed (well, one of them is chatting to himself, trying very hard to resist the temptation to call out to me because he's received the 'I'll close the door if you call out again' threat). Chaos reigns downstairs, but before I tackle it (which I do every night in order to maintain my sanity) I'll enjoy a cup of tea and unwind by blogging a bit.
Oh dear, I've just had the 'I want a cuddle call' which is a hard one to resist. The 'I want a glass of milk' or any other call I can resist fairly easily, but the 'cuddle call' pulls the heartstrings of even this hard ass (scuze my French). Most of the time it's just another tactic, but it's one call I don't like to gamble with especially because Lev has talked lately about being scared of this or that...
Good thing I went in - he wasn't scared, but he had stripped off down to his nappy. The wee man is now dressed again and his door is almost fully shut (leaving it all the way open post-cuddle would have meant a complete descent down the slippery slope to the toddler manipulation many of us know all to well!).
A few posts ago, I ended with a note to self to try as best as I could to embrace my life such as it is right now. It must have worked because I can say, in all honesty, that I have really enjoyed the last few weeks. I truly feel blessed to have this time to be with the kids and to take on most of the domestic stuff (yes, I really said that last bit). In fact most days I'm finding it a pleasure.
It's not that I don't want to do anything else (in fact, I'm gearing up to start in on the PhD again the week after next and I'm looking forward to it). It's more that I'm feeling the luxury of having the time to do things I enjoy without having to fit them in on top of work. Like going to the bi-weekly market, getting groceries (strange, I know, but I actually love grocery shopping), cooking (yes, cooking, too), taking a stroll in the park, eating lunch in a cafe - all of which I did today.
Yesterday I even had a moment when I thought, 'I'm pretty good at this'. It coincided with a 'Kramer vs. Kramer' moment. Do you remember the part of the film when Dustin Hoffman and the child make a perfect breakfast? They have their routine down to a science (a stark contrast to the first breakfast they have together after the couple's separation - eggs everywhere, burnt toast, etc.). In the passage of time they had found their rhythm.
Well, there we were in the kitchen (just the kids and I. No fears, Derek and I are still happily married - we were just letting him have a bit of a lie-in). I was flipping pancakes with one hand, giving samples to Lev on the chair beside me with the other (he always helps when we make pancakes), and was spooning banana and rice cereal into Anna with the third. And, oh yes, I managed to get the coffee on, too. I think that was all before 7:30. Before the day was done I had whipped up some butternut squash puree for Anna, made a yummy butternut squash risotto for supper, got a second coat of paint on one wall, a first coat on another, and baked fresh rolls after the kids were in bed.
The house is now very quiet. No sound from next door, so both my beautiful babes are asleep. Derek is in London tonight. My tea is long finished, and I've probably written more than you want to read in one blog. So I'll close my notebook and go down to the chaos that awaits me - strewn toys, supper dishes, cold bath water, coats and bags and a myriad of other things everywhere...each one a note that sounds out the rhythm of my life.
