Feasting to Fasting

Lent has begun, though I must admit the start of it nearly passed me by. On Wednesday as I was preparing some beef for the slow cooker, it dawned on me that it was Ash Wednesday and that we had missed Shrove Tuesday. So the season of reflection and repentance started with a bang - I was confronted by my failure, once again, to give myself to be shaped by something other than the daily grind.

I said to a friend that I hadn't given any thought yet as to how to dwell in the season, that I needed rest and discipline. She suggested that rest should be my discipline. That seems a bit luxurious for Lent.

Yet part of my need for rest (aside from entering the ninth month of pregnancy) is the fact that since my last post we have, in a sense, already been in the wilderness. I don't think we have had more than a week without one or all of us getting ill. We've been through flu, the vicious gastroenteritis bug, colds that won't die (my ears are still plugged), and just last night Lev started running a high temperature (which meant we also missed the first Sunday of Lent at church).

I've been disheartened, to say the least. The thesis looms, as ever. My certain goal of getting it finished before baby arrives seems to be slipping through my fingers. Just when I think the window has returned, it closes on me again for some reason or another. And I am tired.

But there is some good in it all. I'm not anxious...yet. And that is unbelievable for me. I have been graced somehow (Lev has been good for me!). I'm also learning the hard but good lessons that come when one's plans and agendas are upset by things beyond one's control. And I've experienced the very particular maternal instinct that is brought out when one looks after a sick child. In these I am learning new forms of discipline.

As I write, the new life that will emerge just before the fasting ends is moving vigorously - his/her body parts are literally rippling across and protruding from my belly like I've never seen before. Wow - what a miracle. (Just stay in there at least until papa returns from Dubai!) S/he reminds me, once again, of how much I love this family of mine and all the chaos it brings (multiply that by 100% in four short weeks!). And s/he reminds me of my need, even in this season, to eat (so far for tea - since Derek is away - I've only gobbled up the bits that teething Lev has left behind) and rest (it's getting late and the teether may treat me to another restless night)...