A Moveable Feast

Life Slips By - Don't Forget to Pick the Strawberries

2010-07-02T01:54:00.000-07:00

There is so much going on in my head. It's been just over two years since I've posted on this blog. A LOT of water has passed under the bridge. Too much to catch up, except to say I've been a chaplain at the University of Derby in Buxton for just under two years now. My kids are growing up fast - way too fast. They are brilliant. Derek and I somehow manage to keep the domestic ship afloat! Life is a bit in limbo at the moment for various reasons. In the midst of it all, I'm going to try something. I wrote a paper about two years ago on the theme of worship as thanksgiving. It's time to practise what I preach. A long time ago, I was on a busy, hot, sweaty double-decker bus, travelling to work in London - from Denmark Hill to New Cross. I saw a beautiful exchange between a mother and her small son. Smiles, laughter, talking. It's a scene indelibly planted in my head. I relayed it to a friend who called it a moment 'awakened by grace'. Garisson Keillor wrote a piece in the IHT about a year ago called 'Life is Wonderful' - it was all about such moments. In the midst of life - its busyness, its frustrations, its anxieties and disappointments - these are the moments we - I - must dwell in, because they are windows into the meaning of life, the goodness of God, 'on earth as in heaven'. So I'm setting myself a task - I'm not very disciplined, so I'll not take bets on my faithfulness. But I'm asking, by the grace of God, for eyes to see these moments and the discipline to record them as a spiritual exercise.

It's strawberry season. We've got strawberries growing in our garden. We've been charting their progress, and having a competition with our neighbours. This has been fun. Last weekend we went for a walk along the Wye, spotting lots of fish. Higher up on the old railway path, we came upon a stretch full of wild strawberries. We picked and ate and the kids were delighted. To and from school, the kids pick the wild strawberries in Mr Kidd's front garden. The other day, Anna picked some that she wanted to save for Finn (our next door neighbour - her best friend), so she brought them home and put them in a little dish for him. I love children, and watching their delight in small things. Father Schmemann reminds us that all of creation is a means of communion with God. Children often get this in a way that we don't, or have forgotten. No wonder we're told that the kingdom of God belongs to them...

Is There a Doctor in the House?

2008-06-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

Well, not the kind who helps people, but a doctor nonetheless. Yesterday I was in London for my viva (oral examination of my thesis) and it went as well as I could have possibly wished. The examiners were friendly, put me at ease, said they enjoyed my thesis and then engaged me in some great discussion about it. They asked me to step out afterwards and a few minutes later welcomed me back in and said, 'Congratulations, Dr. Fach'.

I'm not a big one for titles, but that moment was a pretty significant one for me. It meant that two reputable scholars had judged my work to be in their own league, as it were. And they really did - all they asked me to do was fix about a dozen typos. When academic insecurites arise (as they will, as those of you who know me well know all too well), I shall try to remind myself of that moment.

In our department, it is custom to put a sign up on the bulletin board in the hallway to announce the awarding of a degree. Before I left the administrator's office it was up and I have to say, it looked really good!

I am enjoying my first truly relaxing weekend in a long, long, time. A weight has been lifted, I feel great and, if I can say it here, I am really proud of myself. This has been a long journey and it's high time another one began...

I have slayed the dragon

2008-03-19T05:06:00.000-07:00

The beast has been submitted.

I am exhausted. My house is a tip. There is, of course, an oral examination in due course, but I am enjoying a huge sense of relief and satisfaction. There are so many things that have been neglected (not least of all my children). So once I manage to relax a bit (which won't happen until Derek returns safely from Somalia), enjoy Easter (which, this year, is also Anna's first birthday!), and emerge from a few of the piles, I'll be up and blogging again.

In the meantime, thank you to everyone who has been cheering me on from near and far. I have been so grateful for your calls, emails, well-wishes and prayers on my behalf.

I have recognised Derek in my acknowledgements, but as most of you won't see them, I want to thank him publicly here. My greatest debt is, without doubt, to him. His support has been incalculable. He has been supporting us financially since the end of our funding, which has not only enabled me to finish, but has also meant a delay in his own research and submission. My deepest gratitude is for the unfailing and unconditional encouragement he has shown me throughout these years. Without his faith in me, this project would probably not have begun and it most certainly would not have been completed. My next biggest project is giving him all the support he needs to slay his own beast.

Lots of love,
Sandra

Six Months

2007-09-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our beautiful Anya turned six months. She is such a delight and it has been six wonderful months. She's already eating for England, on three meals a day (yes, I know...you're supposed to wait until six months before you start any solids...). And she giggles heartily at her brother (actually 'guffaws' would be a better word to describe her laughter).

Yesterday also marked the six month countdown to my thesis submission deadline. So today was the day I set to start in on it again. I solicited the support of my nearest and dearest, knowing it would be difficult to keep all my respective balls in the air whilst not turning into the dull Jack of 'The Shining' fame.

One of my good friends, who has also been through the trials and tribulations of finishing a PhD, responded quickly and urged me to be dull for six months and to do as little extra as possible ('Yes, long term, you want communication and abundance and you want rhythm and you want to go for it etc, but this isn't about that.'). Good advice I think, as is his suggestion to declare an internet/blog/email sabbatical.

So you may not be seeing much of me in the next while. Perhaps I'll post the odd picture without commentary. And I'll check my email, but infrequently.

I'm grateful for your thoughts and prayers.

If we make it, it will be a stellar year - a new baby, a new house, and two PhDs...

The Rhythm of Life

2007-09-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

It's that 'ahhhhh' moment that happens sometime between seven and eight each night, when the kids are both tucked away in bed (well, one of them is chatting to himself, trying very hard to resist the temptation to call out to me because he's received the 'I'll close the door if you call out again' threat). Chaos reigns downstairs, but before I tackle it (which I do every night in order to maintain my sanity) I'll enjoy a cup of tea and unwind by blogging a bit.

Oh dear, I've just had the 'I want a cuddle call' which is a hard one to resist. The 'I want a glass of milk' or any other call I can resist fairly easily, but the 'cuddle call' pulls the heartstrings of even this hard ass (scuze my French). Most of the time it's just another tactic, but it's one call I don't like to gamble with especially because Lev has talked lately about being scared of this or that...

Good thing I went in - he wasn't scared, but he had stripped off down to his nappy. The wee man is now dressed again and his door is almost fully shut (leaving it all the way open post-cuddle would have meant a complete descent down the slippery slope to the toddler manipulation many of us know all to well!).

A few posts ago, I ended with a note to self to try as best as I could to embrace my life such as it is right now. It must have worked because I can say, in all honesty, that I have really enjoyed the last few weeks. I truly feel blessed to have this time to be with the kids and to take on most of the domestic stuff (yes, I really said that last bit). In fact most days I'm finding it a pleasure.

It's not that I don't want to do anything else (in fact, I'm gearing up to start in on the PhD again the week after next and I'm looking forward to it). It's more that I'm feeling the luxury of having the time to do things I enjoy without having to fit them in on top of work. Like going to the bi-weekly market, getting groceries (strange, I know, but I actually love grocery shopping), cooking (yes, cooking, too), taking a stroll in the park, eating lunch in a cafe - all of which I did today.

Yesterday I even had a moment when I thought, 'I'm pretty good at this'. It coincided with a 'Kramer vs. Kramer' moment. Do you remember the part of the film when Dustin Hoffman and the child make a perfect breakfast? They have their routine down to a science (a stark contrast to the first breakfast they have together after the couple's separation - eggs everywhere, burnt toast, etc.). In the passage of time they had found their rhythm.

Well, there we were in the kitchen (just the kids and I. No fears, Derek and I are still happily married - we were just letting him have a bit of a lie-in). I was flipping pancakes with one hand, giving samples to Lev on the chair beside me with the other (he always helps when we make pancakes), and was spooning banana and rice cereal into Anna with the third. And, oh yes, I managed to get the coffee on, too. I think that was all before 7:30. Before the day was done I had whipped up some butternut squash puree for Anna, made a yummy butternut squash risotto for supper, got a second coat of paint on one wall, a first coat on another, and baked fresh rolls after the kids were in bed.

The house is now very quiet. No sound from next door, so both my beautiful babes are asleep. Derek is in London tonight. My tea is long finished, and I've probably written more than you want to read in one blog. So I'll close my notebook and go down to the chaos that awaits me - strewn toys, supper dishes, cold bath water, coats and bags and a myriad of other things everywhere...each one a note that sounds out the rhythm of my life.

Pictures Pictures

2007-08-25T04:48:00.001-07:00

Trawling through some old emails, I found these pictures that my dad sent me. They are from when my parents were here after Anna's birth, so she is about 6 weeks old. Funnily enough, today she is wearing the same pink cardigan she has on in the picture with my dad and it hardly fits as you can imagine. And she uses the white head support thingy in the pram and there is little, if any, space between her head and the rim of it now!

As you can see, Lev was taking everything in stride. A new sister in the family didn't disturb his passion for ice cream (especially at Carluccio's)!

'P' is for Progress

2007-08-24T05:58:00.000-07:00

And for 'pear' and 'potty' and 'poo-poo' (I'll refrain from googling pictures of the last one). These are pretty exciting days in the Brower household. Lev, Anya and I are camping out at Grandma and Grandpa Browers to give papa some space and quiet while he cracks the back of his PhD. We are having our own breakthroughs here. Anya had her first taste of pears yesterday and some more for breakfast this morning. She seems keen. And Lev has used his potty for the big number two, two days in a row now. Can you imagine the excitement. They are both asleep now. When they awake we will feast on celebratory monkey bread, which Lev and I made this morning, and then go shopping for a treat in the village!

Told you it would be Matt...yup - it's Raffi! Last summer we took out 'Singable Songs for the Very Young' from the local library near my parents' house and listened to it on the road a lot. I remember my aunt and uncle playing Raffi songs to us kids years ago; 'Brush Your Teeth' was the one that stood out in my memory. Anyway, I just recently purchased it along with 'Baby Beluga' and it brought back good memories of our holiday.

For those of you only interested in pictures (other than the ones I download from the web!), be patient. They are all downloaded on Derek's computer and these days I only get access once in a blue moon! But more will come...

Multiculturalism Afterall

2007-08-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

Well, at least as far as the slugs in our neighbourhood go. The rain is back and so are the slugs. On my way home from dropping Lev off to nursery yesterday I saw a strange sight - a VERY light slug. The ones I usually see are dark brown. And, interestingly enough, whenever we spot slugs on our walks in the hills they are as black as black can be. Anyone out there know why? (No, I don't have an answer to reveal...which reminds me, no one has offered a guess as to the face below...)

Ever since Lev heard our neighbour, Geoff, say that he puts the slugs out on to the road to give them a fighting chance, Lev picks up the little creatures and says, 'Don't hurt him. Take to road?' Poor lad doesn't yet realise they don't have much chance out there. But I don't discourage him as it takes them away from my garden! I'm glad he has such a tender heart for all God's creatures...

Me and the Kids

2007-08-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

This picture was taken by my good friend, Stephanie Brock, when she visited us in early June. It is taken in the courtyard of Lev's beloved old nursery, Coram Fields. Which reminds me, I need to post some pictures of his farewell from that wonderful place. But I'll save that for another day. For now I'm trying to get a picture for my profile and the only way I can figure out how to do it is to post it on the blog first.

Do You Recognise This Face?

2007-08-15T03:12:00.000-07:00

Who will be the first to guess who this is (my bet is with MF!). As soon as I get some guesses I will reveal his identity...

Isn't She Lovely?

2007-08-13T05:22:00.000-07:00

Don't you agree?

I finally went out and bought this track by Stevie Wonder. It's always brought a smile to my face and Anna has given it new meaning. So feel free to substitute 'Anna' for 'Aisha' and 'Derek' for 'Londie'. Anna means 'grace' and where there's little grace there is little life, so I think the substitution works. And, okay, she's a little more than a minute old here...

Isn't she lovely
Isn't she wonderful
Isn't she precious
Less than one minute old
I never thought through love we'd be
Making one as lovely as she
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she pretty
Truly the angel's best
Boy, I'm so happy
We have been heaven blessed
I can't believe what God has done
through us he's given life to one
But isn't she lovely made from love

Isn't she lovely
Life and love are the same
Life is Aisha
The meaning of her name
Londie, it could have not been done
Without you who conceived the one
That's so very lovely made from love

More pics of the lovely one to follow soon...

The Green Green Grass of Home

2007-08-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought I’d ever be grateful for the chance to leave the house at 8:00a.m. on a Saturday to go for a swim! Life after kids, eh? Last week we had a house full of friends, none of whom have kids (yet) and I was a tad jealous of their long lie-ins. But the next best thing to a long lie-in is a few hours (well, okay almost two) of solitude.

I’m finally exercising again. It’s been a long time. Basically I didn’t do much, if any, while pregnant with Lev. Then we were in Russia – Piter doesn’t lend itself to outdoor exercise and it is extortionate to join a gym. A month after we moved back I got pregnant again. Anna is now almost five months old so I’m back in the game. I’ve been for one run (and bought myself a heart-rate monitor so now I have to be committed), have gone for a couple rigorous and a few not-so-rigorous hikes and have made it to the local pool three times in the last couple of weeks.

Hard to know how to describe the ‘swimming’. No one here has caught on to the idea of lane swimming. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is! The reason I like swimming is the solitude. I go into a meditative state. I think best when I’m swimming. I used to love it for processing PhD material. So suffice it to say that I ain’t getting a lot of ‘solitude’ or getting into a groove here because I’m constantly watching out for other swimmers. It was better today – the Saturday morning group are more ‘serious’ swimmers so most everyone at least has the desire to swim lanes which makes things slightly less chaotic.

Being unable to think only of myself (or think full stop) in the pool is not without its ironic side since this was my precious ‘me’ time. Derek and I had one of those ‘parents with children’ discussions last night. Like most couples in our situation, I suspect, the grass is always greener on the respective spouse’s side. Those of us who look after kids, which is basically a 7-7 or more job, would jump at the chance for a day or two in the ‘office’. Although admittedly it’s mostly a hard slog combined with the pressure of providing, we wouldn’t be continually on the look-out for someone (or two) other than ourselves. And we’d get the buzz that comes from mentally stimulating stuff that occasionally happens amidst the drudgery. And those of us who work hard to put bread on the table would jump at the chance to leave the desk and computer screen to take the kids for a walk in the park and stop for a cup of tea before coming home to hang out the laundry and whip up a delicious meal for the fam-damly. Bliss, despite little adult camaraderie, no chance to really ‘relax’ over that cuppa, and the fact that when the wee ones do nap you’re usually too knackered to enjoy the ‘me’ time and end up napping yourself. Sound familiar?

When I wasn’t head dodging this morning, my thoughts centred on such issues and I was increasingly convinced that the ideal situation – well, I’ll speak for my family – is one in which both parents get to share the bread-winning and the childcare. Then each would get a bit of both worlds and be able to enjoy the advantages and endure the disadvantages of each, making us both less envious and more empathetic to the other’s world. In the meantime, I think the best tonic is to buck up and dwell as contentedly as possible in our respective worlds, making the most of the greenery that is ours. Speaking of mine, I hear a little girl who has just woken up from her nap…

Little House on the Prairie

2007-08-08T13:17:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a small town on the Canadian Prairies. I was also a faithful watcher of all that went on in the lives of the inhabitants of Walnut Grove. Today, as I walked out of Buxton's 'shopping centre' (much smaller than the one in the Sherwood Park of my childhood) I was reminded of one episode in 'Little House on the Prairie'. As Laura Ingalls came out of the family barn she saw an orphan and came out with this line: 'Wow, a real live negro!' Exclamation mark indeed.

I saw a black man today and it saddens me to say that I was a bit shocked. The shock involved the realisation that he is one of a handful (that might be generous) of black people or, for that matter, non-white people, that I have seen in Buxton.

One of the many things I miss about London is its cosmopolitan nature. In the ten years I lived there I took for granted the fact that each and every day I would see many different faces and hear many different languages spoken around me. I miss that, and although I think Derbyshire is a great place for my kids to grow up, I am sad that they won't be continually exposed to such multiculturalism. Suffice it to say we will have to make many outings to neighbouring Manchester (and London, of course).

I often wish I could bring the best of my two (or three, or four...) worlds together, but that's impossible because what makes one place great is wrapped up in the fact that it has what the other places don't.

Don't get me wrong. I love Buxton and although I've had the occasional pang for London I haven't regretted for a minute the decision to move up north. Part of the joy of living here is that it has already become a bit of a haven for our friends in the south - nothing like the rolling hills of Derbyshire to ease the grind of urban dwelling. Here are some pics from the epic 13-mile walk we took with some of our London friends this past weekend...in the past we would have had to drive a LONG time before getting close to something like this (even to reach the outskirts of the city). And for this day out we left the house on foot!

Memories from Last Summer

2007-08-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are some pictures from the past - to catch up we have to go back a year - yikes! We had a great time with Calvin and Ceri and Annabelle Black in BC, chilling out in Tofino. And my parents enjoyed taking care of Lev, giving me time to work on the albatross - oh, I mean PhD. Lev became very good friends with the neighbour girl, Claire. Just a few days ago, my parents emailed me to say Claire wanted to name their new dog Leon. So my parents are hearing 'Leon' being called all during the day and, needless to say, it is making them pine for their grandchildren on the other side of the pond!

Having grandparents to look after our little one (almost said 'ones' but Anna wasn't yet in the picture...well, yes, actually she was about 4 weeks' worth of multiplying cells) meant that Derek and I were able to get away overnight to celebrate our anniversary in Banff, staying at the Lodge where we spent one of our honeymoon nights.

Leon on the beach in Tofino watching a surfing lesson

Leon and mama striding on the beach

Leon and his pal, Annabelle

Leon and summer friend, Claire

A glorious kid-free day atop Sulfer Mountain

The Feast Has Moved

2007-07-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the long break...such is life when having babies, buying houses, securing mortgages and moving! The day my parents left for Canada, seven weeks after Anna was born, I started another post. I tried to finish it numerous times and never quite got there. I was feeling badly that seven weeks had passed and we only had one photo of Anya on the blog. You can imagine how negligent I feel now that she is four months old!

If I try to catch up, my post shall meet the same fate, so I'm going to try to do a very quick blog and post a few pictures every day (well, let's be realistic - maybe every other day or so) for the next while until you are able to catch up with this quickly moving feast.

Suffice it to say for now that the kids are fantastic. Lev is an ever-present joy. Anna is a delight (and still an easy baby!). Buxton (we're now living in the High Peak District in Derbyshire) is sleepy and slow, incredibly verdant and close to grandparents (well, one set anyway). We are enjoying the space, the pace, our English garden and vegetable patch, the rolling hills, the sheep and cows, and, well, I could go on and on.

I'll leave you with a couple recent photos to whet your appetite and then in my next post will try to fill in some of the many gaps from the past...

Anna chilling in the new pram

Anna and mummy sitting out back calling Canada

Anna looking very serious (and a lot like her papa)

Mummy went to pick up Lev from nursery and came back with a little bear

She's Arrived!

2007-03-26T14:00:00.000-07:00

Anna Jean Fach Brower arrived into our lives on Friday morning (March 23rd) after a very short labour. I felt an 'oh...that's something' sensation when speaking with my mother-in-law on the phone whilst lying in bed trying to rest and get the last of my papers marked. After Anna was born I looked at my mobile, and mum's call had come in at 10:18. The sensation probably came around 10:30 and Anna came into the world at 11:55. Although I wouldn't wish labour on anyone, if you've gotta do it you need to try it my way :)

My adrenalin is starting to wear off, but I have to say that so far, things are much easier the second time around. Anna has been a quick study where feeding is concerned and that has made a HUGE difference. And, of course, mama and papa are much more chilled out this time around. Either she is sensing that and responding in kind or she is just a REALLY chilled out baby (so far...).

We would have been equally delighted with a boy, but it is kind of nice to have another girl in the ranks. And she is so lovely. Don't you agree?

If you want to see more pics, Derek has brought 'Browler' back to life, for awhile at least, and you can see more of Anna at:
http://www.browlerblog.blogspot.com/

Feasting to Fasting

2007-02-25T13:44:00.000-08:00

Lent has begun, though I must admit the start of it nearly passed me by. On Wednesday as I was preparing some beef for the slow cooker, it dawned on me that it was Ash Wednesday and that we had missed Shrove Tuesday. So the season of reflection and repentance started with a bang - I was confronted by my failure, once again, to give myself to be shaped by something other than the daily grind.

I said to a friend that I hadn't given any thought yet as to how to dwell in the season, that I needed rest and discipline. She suggested that rest should be my discipline. That seems a bit luxurious for Lent.

Yet part of my need for rest (aside from entering the ninth month of pregnancy) is the fact that since my last post we have, in a sense, already been in the wilderness. I don't think we have had more than a week without one or all of us getting ill. We've been through flu, the vicious gastroenteritis bug, colds that won't die (my ears are still plugged), and just last night Lev started running a high temperature (which meant we also missed the first Sunday of Lent at church).

I've been disheartened, to say the least. The thesis looms, as ever. My certain goal of getting it finished before baby arrives seems to be slipping through my fingers. Just when I think the window has returned, it closes on me again for some reason or another. And I am tired.

But there is some good in it all. I'm not anxious...yet. And that is unbelievable for me. I have been graced somehow (Lev has been good for me!). I'm also learning the hard but good lessons that come when one's plans and agendas are upset by things beyond one's control. And I've experienced the very particular maternal instinct that is brought out when one looks after a sick child. In these I am learning new forms of discipline.

As I write, the new life that will emerge just before the fasting ends is moving vigorously - his/her body parts are literally rippling across and protruding from my belly like I've never seen before. Wow - what a miracle. (Just stay in there at least until papa returns from Dubai!) S/he reminds me, once again, of how much I love this family of mine and all the chaos it brings (multiply that by 100% in four short weeks!). And s/he reminds me of my need, even in this season, to eat (so far for tea - since Derek is away - I've only gobbled up the bits that teething Lev has left behind) and rest (it's getting late and the teether may treat me to another restless night)...

Pre-Xmas Chaos: A Trip to the Hospital

2007-01-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

It’s been too long since the last blog. We had a very busy December. I did try to dwell intentionally in the season of Advent, but that is a difficult task these days. Maybe one year, when I am retired (assuming I start real work one day) and have free time again, I will spend the month of December in a retreat centre or something like that, away from the hustle and bustle and carryings on of pre-Christmas chaos.

Our particular pre-Christmas chaos included another bout of bronchitis for Lev, poor wee chap. This time it landed him (and me) in the hospital for the night as his little body was struggling pretty hard to breathe and he had been running a temperature for a couple of days. The need for admittance was partially brought on by his refusal to use the inhaler/spacer he was prescribed and the nebulizer in the clinic. But who can blame him – how would you like something shoved in your face by a stranger when you are feeling poorly and don’t really understand what is going on?

For my part, it was the first time I really had to struggle with that tension of knowing the medical staff need to do something to help your child and seeing your child fraught with fear over what is being done to them. The whole experience, which was relatively minor, made me appreciate a lot more the experience of some of our friends who have had to deal with hospitals and very sick children for weeks and even years on end.

Lev did seem to enjoy the ambulance ride from the clinic to the hospital. And he was a brave soldier when they took his blood. After he warmed up to his night nurses (aided by the distraction of Lion King on the portable TV), he managed to take the nebulizer without too much fuss. And the earlier trauma in the clinic clearly had not prevented him from understanding what one does with a spacer – he kept pulling it out of his nappy bag and putting it to his face and the face of his favourite stuffed lion. By morning, he was happy to have us administer his inhaler medication through it and was clearly proud of himself.

Needless to say we were happy to get back home to our own beds and a proper night’s sleep! Lev recovered fully very quickly and has been his normal, healthy, bubbly self ever since.

Our Room

Getting Used to the Instruments

Watching a Video with Papa

Can We Go Home? Awaiting the Verdict

Going Home!

Summer Pictures II - Marathons and Powwows

2006-12-01T12:32:00.000-08:00

Derek ran his second marathon this summer and my brother, Ken, ran his first - 40km for 40 years. It was a hot day and Lev enjoyed helping his papa cool off when it was all over. Later in the month we visited some friends in Bragg Creek and got the chance to witness an authentic powwow.

Summer Pictures I - Another Birthday Party!

2006-12-01T12:19:00.000-08:00

Here's Lev about to devour his THIRD 1st birthday cake, and enjoying being the centre of attention.

Tea with the Queen

2006-12-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago the Queen came to our house for tea. Well, almost. Her Majesty did come to Goodenough College, where we live, to unveil a monument in commemoration of Goodenough's 75th anniversary. Colleen and Sven were visiting and as only Goodenough members were allowed into the quad, I thought I'd skip it. But, even though I'm not one of those Canadians who goes ga-ga over the Queen, there was some fascination wrapped up with the chance of seeing her up close. So I got dressed up and found a place amidst the throng and waited with all the others.

Standing and waiting (pregnant and in the cold) is not my favourite thing to do. But there was
a live jazz band playing on one of the balconies, and there was quite a buzz of expectation in the air. She arrived on time, bless her. Those facing the entrance to the quad started raising their cameras. As I leaned out to see, I realised she had already rounded the corner and was actually very close to where I was standing. I quickly took a photo. She looked really great - fantastic outfit (of course). And she has a very infectious smile. She took her time and paused to greet the odd person. Lucky for me, the family next to me got her attention and she stopped - not more than a foot away from me - to talk with them.

Derek is always after me because I never take the camera out when I should and I always miss the good photo opportunities (I have yet to be forgiven for not getting a good shot of him giving the Best Man's speech at Dan's wedding...I did get some shots but had the camera on the wrong setting so they were all out of focus. Of course, no allowance was given for the fact that I was, at the same time, tyring to manage a crying 6-week-old!).

I think all of you will agree that this time, I succeeded!

Her Majesty Greeted by Goodenoughers

2006-12-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

Her Majesty's Car

2006-12-01T11:43:00.000-08:00

Two New Additions to the Family

2006-11-24T14:57:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago we were introduced to two new members of the Brower-Fach family. For those of you who don’t already know, we are expecting another child at the end of March. For those of you who did know, no – we are not expecting twins! On the day that we had the scan and saw the new little Brower and heard his/her (no, we don’t know) heartbeat for the first time, we also purchased our first pet – a goldfish!

I delayed posting about this day because I wanted to include a picture of Pushkin (the fish, not the next child!). The good news is that I finally downloaded the photos and have one to post. The bad news is that Pushkin is no longer with us. I know I don’t have my mother’s green thumb, but how hard can it be to keep a goldfish alive? The Browers’ last goldfish lived for twelve years, and Deirdre’s present goldfish are thriving and she doesn’t even do anything special to treat the water, etc. Maybe green thumbs (or fingers as they call them here - Dad Brower and Dee definitely have them) and the caring of goldfish go hand-in-hand.

On the day, Lev was definitely more impressed with the fish in the tank than the fish-like creature swimming around on the monitor. The good news is that the latter is, as far as we can tell, happy and healthy and is moving vigorously these days. And, more good news, we now have a new fish…I’ll keep you posted on how things go this time round. Since our second Pushkin looks a lot like the first, I’ll still post that picture.

Daylight savings...

2006-10-29T05:33:00.000-08:00

...may have been created for children, but was obviously started by someone who didn't have children. Six-thirty a.m. Sunday mornings and I don't mix.

BBQ, the Lord's Table and Zidane

2006-10-26T05:14:00.000-07:00

What could these three possibly have in common? This past weekend brought a splendid variety of feasts. On Saturday we hosted a ‘the Brower/Fach clan are back in London’ BBQ. The last time we had such a feast was at Lev’s baptism, close to the time when we were saying farewell to our London friends. At the end of it we both realized that neither of us got much time to catch up with anyone (what with tending the BBQ and running back and forth to the flat to get this and that whilst at the same time making sure one certain toddler didn’t get lost in the bushes). But while such events are never an ideal time for meaningful visiting, they do remind us of what a great (and wonderfully eclectic) group of friends we have.

Sunday found us, for the third time, in one of our local parish churches – St Bride’s Church Fleet Street. Interestingly enough, it is the church for the city’s journalists (being on Fleet Street and all). And it has a magnificent choir. The music is indeed heavenly (at least to our ears). It seems to fit us well. It is – for good or ill – very English. This Sunday the church celebrated Trafalgar Day and many from the Royal Naval Association, Merchant Navy and Royal British Legion were present. The scripture lessons were read by none other than the Second Sea Lord & Commander-in-Chief of the Naval Home Command, the Former General Secretary of the RNA, and the Secretary of the No. 1 Area of the RNA. So very English indeed. It was a fitting day to sing the hymn, ‘Eternal Father, Strong to Save’ with its recurring couplet: ‘O hear us when we cry to thee for those in peril on the sea.’

But it wasn’t so much the pomp and circumstance that struck me (Lev, admittedly, was enthralled by the men and women in uniform and particularly the colourful flags they marched in with). I was particularly moved by the feast at the Lord’s Table. Reactions to liturgy widely vary. For some it is monotonous to say the same words week by week. For others, including myself, the liturgy provides a rhythm of stability. Within this, however, I am always pleasantly surprised by the way different parts of the liturgy stand out for me at different times. It doesn’t always happen. But this Sunday it did and the part that stood out was the theme of forgiveness and mercy.

Certain events had been on my mind: the trial of the man who snuck into a stranger’s home, abducted a little girl while she was having a bath, sexually abused her and left her naked in a nearby alley; the anniversary of the Aberfan disaster where the local schoolhouse was crushed when a coal tip gave way sending an avalanche of coal sludge down the hillside – 144 people were killed, most of them children; and, more recently, the murder of the schoolchildren in the Amish community of Nickel Mines. These events are not made more horrific when you have a child of your own, but they do seem to hit the gut harder.

The reaction of the Amish community has left me with mixed emotions. The love and healing they have offered the wife and family of the murderer of their children is astonishing. I find it bewildering and somewhat unbelievable. But what is more bewildering is that I – an adherent of a faith whose message is steeped in forgiveness – find this response so very foreign – not just to ‘the world’, but to me.

I believe it is possible, by the grace of God, to forgive. But as I uttered the familiar words of the Lord’s Prayer, ‘…and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,’ I was in serious doubt of my ability to do so in similar circumstances. What does ‘by the grace of God’ mean, then? Could it be that when I feast on the bread and wine of the Lord’s table each week I, in offering up my empty hands, am offering up my inability? Is my constant need to ‘feed on him’ a recognition of the reality that I will never have the resources? Yet I do believe that there are people – this particular Amish community is an example – who feast in such a way that while they, too, do not possess these resources on their own, they truly embody the forgiveness Christ offers. I haven’t been tested to this extent, but my suspicion is that I’m not there yet. For me, the post-communion hymn, ‘Praise, My Soul, the King of Heaven’, was poignant – especially the lines, ‘Who like me his praise should sing?’ and ‘Well our feeble frame he knows’.

On a much lighter note, I went – for the second time in my life – to the cinema alone. Our local cinema is showing ‘Zidane’. As one reviewer said, watching it is like being a parent at the school nativity play with the camcorder focused solely on Mary (your child!). Zidane is a don, the don. Not to mention a gorgeous hunk of a man. But could I – a football fan, but not an avid one – watch an entire match with the camera focused solely on him? At first it was a bit odd, but I soon realised that I had been taken in and was mesmerized. An indulgent feast indeed.

Back in Verdant England - The Constant Gardener

2006-10-20T12:24:00.000-07:00

Lev says goodbye to Petersburg mate

2006-10-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

Feasting in London

2006-10-20T02:16:00.000-07:00

Since Derek has definitely retired our blog from Russia I decided to start a new one. Many Browler followers have been asking for more, well at least more pictures of Lev, so this will provide a place to see more of the truly photogenic one of the family. And it will keep you posted on our London life.

Yes, we are back in London...for now. Our life seems to be a bit of a moveable feast. We are beginning to feel settled again, though I'm not sure if our family really knows what that means or feels like. The last few months have been a bit of a whirlwind. We left our dear Piter at the end of May (just when the weather was turning blissful) and were homeless until the end of September. Luckily we have two sets of gracious, hospitable parents (or maybe just keen grandparents eager to spend time with their grandson!) who opened up their homes to us from the end of May to 23 September when we finally moved into our London flat. Needless to say, we were ready to stop living out of suitcases.

I think it is safe to say we are well into routine now. Our flat is beginning to feel like home, thanks to a few trips to IKEA to make it feel less 'Goodenough' and more us (how does IKEA manage to suck in even the likes of us who have voiced our resistance to having our place look like an IKEA catalogue?!).

Derek is working very hard, fighting deadlines as usual. And in our short time here he has already been to Vienna and Berlin on business rubbing shoulders with the German secret service (can I say that?). Next time you see him ask him his preferred way of getting through an airport.

I am back in the British Library on a regular basis and it feels great to have some time on my own and some regular, concentrated work on the thesis. I've also signed up for a Wednesday night 3-hour Russian course. At last I am reading, speaking and writing Russian again and I love it. I was determined not to let the hard work of eight months in Russia go to waste.

And our little Lev (well, not so little anymore) is a schoolboy! He is at Coram Nursery five days a week from 9:30-3:30 and he is thriving. He absolutely loves it. He only took a week to 'settle in' (the settling in period is usually two weeks) - never cried or put up a fuss, never looked back really. He waltzed in there and saw a world created for him - picked up a toy and forgot all about me! So we are happy and relieved that this big transition has taken place so easily and naturally. In future years we will look back and count our blessings - it is an outstanding place and we will be hard pressed to find anything like it again. And to top it off, we can see it from our flat windows - it is less than five minutes door to door.

So that's us right now. I'll dig out some pictures in due course (they're on the other computer) and give you a taste of our moveable feast since the end of Browler...